We have arrived... And I want to go back

Editors note: I began writing this Blog post over a year ago,
I just finished it up- but it still rings true today...

~*~

I always wondered what it would be like...

The day that I wouldn't be able to fully care for my children on my own.

I never imagined it would come so soon...

~*~

But we have arrived... 

And we can't go back. 

~*~

The day seemed to come out of the foggy haze,

and it came more quickly than I ever imagined.

But, I clearly remember the day that my youngest child qualified for nursing care.

and

It broke my heart.

~*~

I fought it for a long time.

I avoided the paperwork,

I avoided the phone calls that needed to be made...

It was suggested that we should apply for it-

but I resisted. 

I never wanted to be in a place where I simply could not care for

all the medical needs of my child.

But the day came.

~*~ 

We have arrived...

And I want to go back.

~*~ 

I want to go back to the day that it was just me at home with my 5 beautiful children-

Full-filling all their needs.

Sure, it was super crazy-

but it was MY crazy.

I didn't have to worry about scheduling,

I didn't have to worry about having someone else in my home 10 hours a day,
several days a week.

I didn't have to stress about having my house and life in order.

But the day came.

~*~

We have arrived...

And I want to go back.

~*~

We have arrived at a place where I need help-

 As in, help from professional Nursing Care to assist the medical needs of my children.

Yes- Children.

Not too long after my youngest qualified for nursing care,

my oldest qualified too.

That was another heart-wrenching day.

~*~

We have arrived...

And I want to go back.

~*~

But- I CAN'T.

I can't go back.

And if I stop and think about it for more than 3 seconds-

I quickly realize....

~*~

We have arrived...

And I DON'T want to go back.

~*~

I don't want to go back to life before nurses in my home.

Back to life when the nursing schedules are no longer,

Back to the day when the nurses company is not seen-

Why?

Because;

It will mean that life as I know it now,

will no longer be.

~*~

We have arrived...

And I don't want to go back.

~*~

I can never go back to the way it was before.

I can only cherish what I have moving forward.  

We are not able to get the moments and the memories back,

once the precious time has slipped through our fingers-

We can only cherish today for the gift that it has been.

~*~

So-

 I will be grateful for today.

I will choose Joy.

I will be thankful for the schedules.

I will focus on Love.

I will be happy to welcome 2 additional nurses into my small living quarters and life.

I will hold dear the memories that are made.

I will be content with the life as I know it now.

~*~

We have arrived,

And I am Blessed.